Harry Potter and the Pen of All Power
by Platinum Cheetah
Summary: Um, this is a very messed up fic. It doesn't make any sense. It is just plain odd. If you hate it, don't say I didn't warn you.


Disclaimer: Let's see... I don't own anything Harry Potter related, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. I don't own ancient Rome, Chicago, or the Sears Tower. The Pen of All Power belongs to my friend, though she didn't know that it was the Pen of All Power until I told her. And she won't even tell me where she got it! Waaah! Oh, yeah, I also don't own Queen (who are the best music group in the world).   
  
Harry Potter and the Pen of All Power   
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting by the lake staring into space. Suddenly Ron said, "I like bananas. Do you like bananas?"   
Hermione was about to answer when she was distracted by the sudden appearance of a silvery cheetah. "What's that?" she said instead.   
"Who's that, you mean. I'm the author. You can call me Ness." replied the cheetah.   
"Is Ness you're name?" asked Harry.   
"No. But I wish it was. It's a nice name."   
Just then, a kylan walked by. It looked at them and said, "Kvlaix nelksy?"   
Ness said, "Jduyb tsanq. Lanwix nelksy."   
"Hnai," it replied, and disappeared.   
Ness said, "That was my uncle. He was a bit confused. He thought he was in Norway."   
Harry and Hermione were utterly baffled, but Ron was totally unfazed.   
"Now, why was I here?" asked Ness. "Oh, yeah. I wanted to tell you that you're now on a quest for the Pen of all Power."   
"Why?" asked Hermione.   
"Because I'm the author and I want you to!"   
"I don't think I'm going to go. I'm going to stay here by the lake forever. No more adventures for me." said Harry.   
"Too bad." said Ness.   
Suddenly they were on an old stone road. A sign nearby proclaimed, "TE AD ROMAM SALUTARE!"   
"Oops. Why do I always get Chicago and ancient Rome mixed up?" Ness muttered to herself.   
The road disappeared, to be replaced instantly by a bustling sidewalk. "This is Chicago," said Ness, sounding quite satisfied.   
"You can't apparate off the Hogwarts grounds!" exclaimed Hermione.   
"I didn't. I simply wrote into the story that we were in Chicago, and we were."   
Ron nodded as if this were the most obvious thing in the world, but Harry said, "We're not just characters in a story! We're real people!"   
"Of course you are," said Ness, with that reassuring smile people reserve for insane people who obviously don't know what they're talking about, which is a very strange thing to see on a cheetah.   
After a moment's confused paused, Ness said, "Well, now that we're here, lets find the Pen of All Power. It's at the top of this building." At this point, Harry, Ron, and Hermione realized that they were standing at the foot of the Sears Tower. "There's an elevator," continued Ness. "We can take that."   
She led them inside. Upon her arrival, everyone in the building stopped and said, "Hi, Ness! What are you doing today?"   
Ness replied, "I found Harry Potter, and I'm going to get the Pen of All Power."   
Everyone nodded knowingly and went back to what they had been doing.   
Ness led Harry, Ron, and Hermione into an elevator. She looked around it and said, "This won't do." It was suddenly filled with blue velvet cushions. Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at Ness oddly.   
The elevator started to go up. Hermione said, "You know, it won't take us all the way to the roof."   
Ness said, "It will if I tell it to."   
It was silent five minutes. Then Harry said, "Why is it taking this long?"   
"What, would you rather climb? This is the fastest it'll go for me. It doesn't want me to get the Pen of All Power, but it has to let me because you're with me. To get the Pen of All Power, you need to bring a very well known character and their two best friends."   
Just then, the elevator's door slid open. Sure enough, they were on the roof. Sitting right in front of them was a pen. It just looked like a normal blue pen. Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared at it dumbly.   
Suddenly, Ness rushed up and somehow grabbed it in her paws. "The Pen of All Power! It's mine at last! Now I can have as many salt and vinegar potato chips as I want and listen to Queen all day!"   
Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared at her. "Oh, yeah. I'll also eventually be able to take over the Council of Marshmallow Peeps, who are handling this world very irresponsibly, in my opinion."   
Harry, Ron, and Hermione continued to stare. "Oh, you can go," Ness said, pointing to Ron and Hermione. They disappeared.   
"What about me?" Harry asked.   
"You're staying with me. You're cute."   
"All right," said Harry, resigning himself to a life of insanity. His life had always been half insanity anyway.   
"Good," said Ness, and together they walked off to Saturn, eating salt and vinegar potato chips.   
  
A/N: That was confusing, wasn't it? Good. Please don't be too hard on me, as this is my first fic. 


End file.
